What do I post today?

After tumbling my brain upside down, scanning my incomplete posts, which were abandoned before they could be finished, on my computer, I finally lost the battle and gave up. Nothing and absolutely nothing could I find to write and post on my blog today…

A bellyful of lunch proved fatal to an already sleepy Friday afternoon. The weekend was just approaching and with no work on my desk, I decided to post something to my blog to avoid the siesta, which was about to take over all my faculties. With sleepy eyes, I tried to look around to find something to write about. Nothing exceptional had happened in this week about which I could scribble, so I had to look around to find something to write on. Nothing exceptional in the morning newspaper as well, just the usual – politics, crime, petty crimes, hyperactive journos, shrewd public servants, flamboyant and over indulged Page 3 people – nothing exceptional at all. But I had to write…write to overcome this dizzy state in which I was getting dragged with each passing moment…

So I checked my blogs folder on my system to look for some incomplete post – and to my surprise there were many of them. But none of them were good enough to attract me or hold my attention, so that I could complete them and post. Some were too old to suit the time now. Some were too impulsive, some were too suggestive and some were just bad. In a nutshell, none could suit my mood…

But I had to write. I scanned my mails then to find something to write on, chatted with my colleagues about various topics, went for a coffee in the pantry and talked to Sushant, the office boy for some inspirational topic. We always get something to write or talk about when we scan life. And what can be the better way to scan life than talking to people… people of all sorts. But no…seemed my muse too had her sumptuous lunch and was off to bed. Nothing to write about at all.

So here I am finally giving up…apologizing for such a poor show and wishing a happy weekend to myself.

See you on Monday, Saurabh, with a new week…hope to get back my muse again, live and kicking…till then…

Cheers.

I admit.

Yes. I admit. I admit that I am guilty of murdering. I admit that I am guilty of murdering myself. Yes. I killed myself. I killed myself, who stayed with me for the past 25 years. And hey you, I must tell you this…..that I never enjoyed your company. You always let me down....and thus today I don’t regret killing you.

You always were a burden to me, and you dare refuse that. Yes you were. When everyone enjoyed the usual childhood or youth, you drew me towards unknown paths. When everyone around had fun, you became my self proclaimed moralistic master and led me to a path devoid of all impurities. Why…

Did you think that you were smart or something…no you were not. Nobody even cared that you are trying to be good and kind. You always lost to those inferior to you…why? Just because you were trying to be good in this bad world. The world loves baddies. Didn’t you know that….you scum. And when you tried to turn baddy, knowing that you are practically incapable of doing this, you proved a failure. How miserably you lost, in life and with you I lost too.

Why couldn’t you lead a simple life, a life like a normal mortal lives, with his share of good, bad, love, hate, sins, good deeds, bad deeds. Why you always swam challenging the stream? What did you get of all this? You lost your life.

But now you are dead. And I believe that now you won’t resurrect out of ashes like phoenix and piss my life again. Nobody wants you, trust me, nobody. And hey you…since you are dead and gone, don’t try to bring in any ghostly tricks and haunt my life. I just can’t bear you anymore.

I should have killed you much before…

Let me live in my world.

This is a world with countless people and every human lives in one’s personal world. There are thus, countless personal worlds in this one world. A world of personally chosen hues; a world with suiting one’s desires, no matter what they are; a world of one’s own.

If I ask for my own world, am I being irrational... Let me have my world. A world completely in contrast to the world of others; a world absolutely different to the world of the others; a world which is completely mine, with my sanity intact; a world of my own...

Let me live in my world. Please.